JESS: You can’t do it with just any celebrity. . .
ME: ExCUSE me? Nathan Fillion is not just ANY celebrity.
JESS: Jesus, sorry. I forgot how close you two are. Stalk much?
ME: Stalk is such an ugly word. I consider myself an ardent admirer.
JESS: Whatever, Swimfan. My point is that the game only works with Kevin Bacon because he’s been in so many goddamned movies.
ME: I call bullshit. Try me.
JESS: Care to make it interesting? If I win, you have to go to work wearing Crocs. All. Week. Long.
ME: Deal. And WHEN I win, you must create a collage that commemorates my sheer awesomeness. Said collage will be posted on my blog and hung in my office for all to see.
JESS: You’re tough, but fair. Ready?
ME: Bring it.
JESS: Betty White.
ME: Pfft! Seriously? That’s the best you’ve got? Bitch, please. Betty White was in “The Proposal” with Ryan Reynolds who was on “Two Guys and A Girl” with. . .Nathan Fillion.
JESS: Shit. I forgot about that show.
ME: You’re lucky. The rest of America is still suffering from PTSD as a result of that piece of crap. What else have you got?
JESS: Taylor Swift.
ME: She’s not an actress.
JESS: Yuh-huh! She played that Goth chick on “CSI” and she was in that craptacular Valentine’s Day movie with Julia Roberts. . .
ME: . . .who was in “Larry Crowne” with Tom Hanks, who was in “Saving Private Ryan” with. . .Nathan Fillion.
JESS: He was in that?
ME: Yeah. Remember when they told Private Ryan that his brother was dead but it was the WRONG Private Ryan and he wigged out? That was Nathan Fillion.
JESS: I couldn’t finish that movie. Too much war stuff.
ME: Which is shocking since it has the word “Private” in the title.
JESS: Fuck you. OK. . .umm. . .George Clooney!
ME: Well, I could go one of two ways. There’s the whole Matt-Damon-“Oceans Eleven”-“Private Ryan” link, or I could go the more obscure route with the whole “ER”-Noah-Wylie-“The Librarian:2”-Stana-Katic-“Castle” connection. Which would you prefer.
JESS: I’m totally screwed, aren’t I?
ME: Yeah, pretty much.
JESS: Ooh! Zach Galifinakis!
ME: He is on “Bored Too Death” with Jason Schwarzman who was in “Marie Antoinette” with Kirsten Dunst.
ME: Don’t you see? Kirsten Dunst was in “Bring It On”; the sequel of which was the epically shitty “Bring It On Again” which featured a young Felicia Day who played Penny in “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” with. . .Nathan Fillion. I could have gone with the more obvious Jason-Schwarzman-“Bored To Death”-with-Ted-Danson-who-was-also-in-“Saving Private Ryan” connection, but I didn’t want to play that one out too much.
JESS: I’m a little disturbed right now, not gonna lie.
ME: I am a veritable font of useless knowledge, yo.
JESS: OK, font. . .how about this one? Kevin Bacon.
ME: Sure! Kevin Bacon. . .ummm. . .he was in that. . .no, wait. . .damn.
JESS: Ironic, isn’t it?
ME: Shut up, Alanis Morisette, I’m thinking. Kevin Bacon. . .Kevin Bacon. . .
JESS: I want those Crocs to be bedazzled too. Preferably something with a “Hello Kitty” motif.
ME: Shut uuuuuuup! . . .Wait! Kevin Bacon! He was in “Flatliners” with Julia Roberts who was in “Ocean’s Eleven” with George Clooney who was on “ER” with Noah Wylie who was in “The Librarian:2” with Stana Katic who is on “Castle” with NATHAN FILLION!!! ((jumping up and down pumping fists like a Jersey Shore guido)) YES! ‘BAM’! said the lady!
JESS: I hate you so much right now.
ME: And by hate you mean you are in awe of my brilliance.
JESS: No, I mean I kinda want to light your face on fire.
ME: Better head off to the craft shop, Sweetie. That collage isn’t going to make itself!
So, who thinks they can stump me? Bring. It. On.