I've been missing at large lately. I get that. Dudes; I'm sorry.
I have not been blogging. . .
I have not been posting on Facebook. . .
I have not been 'Insta-Tweeting'. . .
And for that. . .I'm sorry. . .I suck. I suck like Monica Lewinsky on Inaugural Sunday. I suck like a Kardashian during the Essence Awards. I suck like Tom Cruise watching 'Magic Mike'.
Basically. . .I am lamesauce and I have no excuse whatsoever except for a major monstroutive life overhaul called HAPPINESS.*
*But I'm hoping that those three "suck" analogies will hold y'all over until next week when I intend to come back with a vengeance. ;-) Also: 'monstroutive'? Totally a word. Autocorrect may beg to differ, but you all know how I feel about autocorrect and its collective douchebaggery.
Anyway, I was texting with a friend lately and she asked why I wasn't blogging and I spouted some inanity about "lack of inspiration" like I'm J.D. Freaking Salinger. . .*
*Except: without the whole Salinger-esque "excessive handwashing / antisocial / fake my own death" thing.
But don't get me wrong; antisocial works for me, because. . .people, but I can't fully embrace Salinger's whole germophobic thing, 'cuz I totally still love eating at food trucks and going to petting zoos, and. . .wait. . .what was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Focus, Jen . . .
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm happy. Not, "TRYING" to be happy. Not "PRETENDING" to be happy. Just. . .happy. Without any effort. Without any drama. I met a man who doesn't ask me to be anything other than who I am; and I don't want him to be anything other than who HE is.
Without precedence, without apology, without. . .well, crap. . .without anything. He is a tattoo-covered, Harley Davidson riding, God-fearing blessing in my life and I had no idea I'd ever meet someone who not only was so true to himself but also made me love and be 100% true to my clumsy, socially inept, addictive, neurotic self.
I've been to a shit-ton of weddings over the years where people said 'Today I marry my best friend' and I thought, 'Oh, PLEASE! You don't MARRY your best friend; your best friend is the person you complain to about your husband!'*
*Although, in my first marriage the best friend was the one your husband slept with...but I digress...
Tonight; however, my love and I will put on out "fanciest" jeans and boots and hold hands with our children to swear/cry/laugh/pray/scream our friendship and companionship to the Universe and make our union "official". And tomorrow? I'll may or may not blog about it, like I've blogged, or not blogged, my whole life to you all thus far. But today? Today I ask that you smile.
Today I ask that you hug your loved ones: be they partners, children, parents, friends, siblings, etc.
Today I ask that you be thrilled at my lack of communication over the last few months, because it should tell you one thing: I had free time. . .I could have blogged. . .but I chose to spend that time with my short people, and my friends, and my family, and the man who reminds me that life is filled with color and music and laughter and food and wonder and everlasting joy.
The man who reminds me that even if he disappears tomorrow -- I am enough on my own. . .that I will ALWAYS be enough; that I should never be someone's 'fall-back option' or 'second choice' and that the right people will always love me for who I am and not try to make me be something I'm not just to please them.
The man who teaches me that the most important thing is that I love and be true to myself; and that no matter what, we'll be best friends forever.
The man who dances with me under the stars with our legs cramping from a 1000 mile motorcycle ride and our faces aching from laughing with friends.
The man who nudges me at midnight and grins: 'Wanna go get biscuits and gravy?"
The man who spends hours going over math equations with the short people and then teaches them how to to make pancakes over much giggling and batter consumption.
The man who drops everything to drive three hours to be with a friend who is celebrating a major life milestone; regardless of his own personal agenda.
The man who embraces our mutual passion for health, organic living, and raising our children in love and light.
The man who knows my deepest, darkest, most shameful secrets, and tells me his in return.
The man who taught my son J. to ride a bike and be confident enough to go out for sports. And the man who taught my son M. to advocate for himself, and to find his own voice. My son M. has autism. . .he does not like to hug. Norm taught M. to "imitate a bear" and give "bear hugs" and now. . .for the first time in 12 years. . .I get daily hugs from my baby. For that alone, I will love Norm until the end of time.
The man who checks my oil, kicks my tires, and tests my smoke alarms.
The man who argues with me about health care reform and gun control and religion and education, and politics, and insists that we both find documentation to back up our beliefs because he believes that the best decision is an INFORMED decision.
The man who cradles me in his arms when I break down, shaking and sobbing from a panic attack, and reminds me: "It isn't real. . .THIS is real.. You are safe."
The man who watches cheesy movies with me at 2am.
The man who taught me to fly a kite.
The man who showed me my "real" smile.
This man who reminds me that I can't imagine another day without him in it.
The man who makes me laugh. . .makes me think. . .and makes me feel like no one ever has.
This man who makes me love harder, laugh louder, cry more passionately, and live with arms wide open in a way I never thought possible.
This man who who makes me believe in miracles.
Tonight, we hold hands.
Tonight, we make it "legal" for tax/insurance/"blah-blah-blah" purposes.
But I married him in my heart months ago because he is that last face I want to see at night and the first face I want to see in the morning.
You really CAN marry your best friend.
I'm doing it tonight. ;-)